Ask Amy: Job-hating hubby should work on his attitude

DEAR AMY: My husband of 10 years constantly hates his jobs - he's had several in our time together. He has had some miserable experiences. I work part-time and carry some of our benefits. Ninety percent of our time together is consumed with his looking for a job, threatening to quit his job and talking about money. We've gone to counseling, but I'm sick of him. We need to be happy where we are, because we have two happy, healthy wonderful kids and a lot of really good stuff going on. How do you get out of the "grass is always greener" phase, and how can I make my husband shut up and enjoy his life?Fed Up Wife

DEAR WIFE: You don't mention if your husband's attitude has gradually changed or if he's always been this way. Knowing the answer to this question could lead you both to some insight. You and your husband aren't the only affected parties here. Your interactions and the atmosphere in your home are imprinting on your kids. If your husband is always stressed and unhappy, and if your marriage is on the rocks, it will affect them.

I agree that counseling is called for, but suggest that your husband pursue it on his own. He may need to shut up, but it's obvious he also needs to talk. Ultimately, he'll make a choice about how he wants to live.

Your family will suffer as long as things remain as they are. You can lead your husband to a "greener" phase, but you can't make him live there. He needs to take responsibility for his own attitude - and do what he can to change it.

DEAR AMY: I've been interested in the issue of people "popping by" someone's house unannounced. You seem to promote this practice, at least among family members. I'm sorry, but guests who stop by without so much as a telephone call beforehand, no matter how closely related, deserve and should expect nothing from the surprised hosts. Grandma and Grandpa could have been up to their elbows in color, dyeing each other's hair or busy with something even more inconvenient.Last Word

DEAR LAST WORD: I love to think of Grandma and Grandpa engaging in something inconvenient, and agree that a warning by phone is considerate.