Ask Amy: Overly controlling parents? Call their bluff

DEAR AMY: I'm 19. My parents still try to control me. When I'm home from college, they tell me when to go to bed and when to get up. They will tell me to delete something on my Facebook page. They say if I don't delete it, I won't get into grad school or get a job. I'm aware of the consequences of Facebook postings. I know that when I apply for anything, my Facebook profile will be reviewed. If I refuse to comply with my parents' demand, they threaten to take away my car. They say they'll force me to go to community college, where I will not get an education toward the career I want. Recently, my parents confronted me for posting a video of myself with my hair not brushed perfectly, and for writing something sarcastic about Christmas (I'm an atheist, and my parents are Jewish). I "unfriended" my father on Facebook. They then threatened to take away my computer (half of which I paid for) and withdraw my tuition. My parents care about me, but their care is keeping me from being independent.

--Smothered

DEAR SMOTHERED: You could start taking baby steps into adulthood by calling your folks' bluff.

If they don't like what you post on Facebook and want to take your computer away, then hand it over and use one at the library. If they want to withdraw their financial support and force you to drop out of school, tell them that you'll find an hourly wage job and a room to rent.

Your parents use their financial support as leverage.

I suspect that your education and success in life are so important to them that they will continue to support your desire to stay in college, but forcing the issue will prompt a conversation.

Unless you've given them a reason to question your judgment in terms of what you post online, their choice to monitor your activities is overkill - when they do this, they are killing your ability to discern.