Ask Amy: Still mourning mom when dad's girlfriend moves in

DEAR AMY: My mom died about a year ago after a long illness. I'm in 10th grade and I continue to get A's in school, but it has been really hard. Recently, my dad decided to let his girlfriend, "Jenni," move in with us. I know my dad likes her company, but when she moved in, I was still adjusting to life without my mother. My teachers know that my mom died last year but not about my new living situation, which has left me unfocused and upset. Jenni is nice and I like her, but my dad has also said that this relationship might not be permanent. I want to be friendly, but I don't want to bond with her. When I see them together I just want to cry. I talk to my school counselor regularly and my dad took me to see a therapist, but after a couple of sessions I felt worse. Recently my doctor said that Jenni moving in was her biggest health concern for me. I want to talk to my dad about this, but I don't know what to say. Is there anything I could do to feel more comfortable and focused? Upset and Grieving

DEAR UPSET: Your loss is monumental - and your life is changing too fast.

Your dad is lonely and may feel that having another woman in the household will help both of you move on. Obviously, he is making mistakes, but he is grieving too.

Your dad shouldn't have moved his girlfriend in with you - and his statement that their relationship might not be permanent is a terrible blunder. He may have said this thinking that it would make you feel better, but obviously it has not.

You and your dad should see a counselor together. A thoughtful therapist could guide an honest conversation between the two of you.

Your community also should have a family grieving support group you could both join. Your counselor and the hospital that treated your mom will have recommendations. Your conversation with dad should start simply: "Dad, we need help."