Ask Amy: Teen wants out of aunt's battles with mom

DEAR AMY: I am a 16-year-old girl. My mother and her sister, "Ruth," often have little skirmishes. My mother's side of the family is generally a dramatic bunch. Drinking runs in the family, and Aunt Ruth is a chronic offender. This is one thing she and my mother clash about. Over the past couple of years, Ruth has made a point of approaching me, claiming she wants to "talk" about my mother. She wants to gripe about my mother's behavior and expects me to back her up. My mom and I have had a few very rocky patches in our relationship, but we have worked things out.

Ruth, however, seems to think she and I should battle together against what she seems to think is a common enemy. Amy, I don't know what to do. My own problems with my mom have nothing to do with hers. These advances make me very uncomfortable, and I don't know how to handle it. I love my aunt and don't want to hurt her feelings, but I feel like these problems shouldn't be brought to me, but to my mom. How do I tell Ruth this, without making it seem like I think she's in the wrong? -- Stuck

DEAR STUCK: It is very kind of you to want to spare your aunt's feelings, but she is behaving in a way that is disrespectful, unkind and wrong - and it's OK to be truthful about how her actions affect you.

Your aunt should not seek to involve you in her sibling dramas with your mother and she should not interfere in your relationship with your mom by enlisting you as an ally.

You could attribute her behavior to her drama, drinking - or whatever. You don't have to know why she is behaving poorly in order to ask her to stop.

You just say, "Aunt Ruth, please don't involve me in this. It makes me uncomfortable. If you have a problem with Mom, you should talk to her about it. Thanks for understanding."