Ask the Expert: Leaving your possessions

We've left our assets to our children in equal shares, but there are specific personal items we want to leave our grandchildren. We thought we'd write down which grandchild gets what, attaching photographs of the items we'd like distributed to them. Do we have to write another will for this, or can we just write a letter and have it notarized as our wishes? Our children all get along, but we want to make things as easy as possible for them.  

Writing a letter is an excellent idea, and the photographs are a nice way to convey the personal nature of these individual bequests.

It's a common estate planning mistake to underestimate the importance of possessions whose chief value is sentimental. In fact, those are the items that often trigger spectacular family fights, estate lawyers say.

"It's always the things that are difficult to divide that families fall out over -- the photo albums, the silverware, the china," says Eric Kramer, a Uniondale estate attorney. The battle can be particularly intense in second-marriage situations: Dad dies, and his children fight his widow for household furnishings that originally belonged to their mother, his first spouse.

A letter isn't legally enforceable, but it's a lovely way to prevent arguments. "If your children get along, they'll abide by your written wishes," Kramer says. You needn't have it notarized, but give copies to your executor and/or your lawyer. For families that don't get along, Kramer recommends either making lifetime gifts of personal possessions or including them as bequests in your will, which, of course, is enforceable. The drawback: It's expensive to redo your will every time you change your mind about which grandchild gets a silver candy dish.

The bottom line
It's sensible to leave written instructions about how you want to leave your personal possessions.