Aunt is great, but not her boyfriend

DEAR AMY: My sister and I have always been close. Over the years, my parents and I have watched her date some weird and not-so-wonderful men. I'm talking druggies, one who left her bankrupt and one full-out psychopath. I am happily married with two beautiful children. My sister has a successful career and treats my children like her own (she doesn't have kids). They adore her. She has now met a "new" guy, and much to our dismay, he quit his job and she has been supporting him for about a year. He has since gotten a part-time job and is taking courses to better himself. However, he is temperamental and often "loses it" in our presence. My sister says his temper is short-lived and that he is working on it. A few times he has verbalized little "digs" at my kids when he does not approve of their behavior. I've let it pass because we don't see them very often. They now live in a different state and my sister has her heart set on my 11-year-old son visiting them for two weeks this summer. My son is excited at the prospect, but, Amy, I am so torn. How can I tell my sister that I don't trust her boyfriend and that I am not comfortable with sending my son to stay in their home?Uncomfortable

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: You say, "Sis, this isn't easy to talk about, but I need to be honest. I don't know your boyfriend well enough to trust him, and I am not comfortable having my son stay with you for that length of time." This guy might be marginally better than the others she has had in her life. But your sister and your 11-year-old son are not the people who should make this call -- you are. Furthermore, your son should not have been informed of this vacation idea until you had signed off on it.

If your sister ever becomes a parent, she will gain perspective on the pressures and responsibilities of parenthood; even if she doesn't, she must respect your role and accept your choices.