Avoid carnivore-vegan family clashes

DEAR AMY: I have been a vegetarian since the 1980s and a vegan for about 10 years.

My family has always been critical of my choice to avoid animal products, but they have also been careful to offer plant-based food when I visit. Recently I moved closer to my family, and we meet for meals at least once a week. When they eat at my house, their contribution to dinner always contains meat - I don't like it, but I don't say anything, even when blood from a rare roast spilled all over my counter. Lately they have been commenting that it is a lot of trouble to provide food for me and that it is my obligation to eat whatever they make. I always bring something to share, and I am really not picky - if all they can do is separate out a potato and some veggies before adding butter and mayonnaise, that is perfectly fine with me. Also, they think I should cook meat dishes when they visit because they make vegetarian dishes for me. I love my family and I know they love me, but this is starting to make me very uncomfortable. I have tried talking with them about it, but they just say my food choices are unreasonable. Please don't suggest I start eating animal products, but what can I do to defuse this?

--Vegan Victim

DEAR VEGAN: Because you and your family eat from opposite ends of the food chain, the most logical solution is that whoever hosts a meal in your family should provide the table, cutlery, a vegetable or fruit salad and his or her own entree.

Anything additional should be carted in by the guest.

Your diet is your choice, and it is not unreasonable. But this tussle about food is probably not only about food - but the playing out of a family dynamic that has been going on for some time.

You will know you've successfully handled this if you can get together with your family without your diets being the main topic of conversation.