Be truthful about foreclosure and move on

DEAR AMY: We were forced by the weak economy to leave our home. Over 22 years, we remodeled and decorated it from the basement to the attic. We raised our kids in this house and did tons of entertaining. We've moved into a much smaller condo complex. We told our children it was for "active seniors" because my husband is planning to retire next year. The kids have no idea we lost their home to foreclosure (they're in college). I am so angry and disappointed in my husband. He negotiates contracts for a living, and yet he couldn't talk his way into keeping our home. It is still vacant, with its legal notices taped to the front door. I'm so ashamed. One neighbor blabbed it to the entire neighborhood. Although financially we are doing much better now, how do I remedy these feelings? I thought about counseling, but all the local therapists are friends or acquaintances, and I'm too embarrassed to tell them the truth.

--Upset

DEAR UPSET: The truth is the best remedy for almost all feelings. Taking responsibility for mistakes or lapses in judgment will ease your sadness.

It sounds as if your household took on too much debt or leveraged your house's value to support your lifestyle.

You don't seem to have suffered a job loss, so you can't blame an extreme change in circumstances (other than falling home values) for your current situation.

When describing this to friends and neighbors, you can say, "We got caught in the housing bubble, and now have had to downsize." You should be completely honest with each other and with your children, because they can learn from this.

Learn the truth about your financial health, admit your mistakes, forgive one another and be grateful you have landed in a good situation.

No responsible therapist would comment on your situation outside the office - or repeat your problems to others.