Belated hints that generous host wants pay

DEAR AMY: Earlier this year, our daughter, "Christy," 21, moved to New York City. She stayed with my cousin and her family for 10 weeks while looking for a job and an apartment. The arrangement, though long and tight in their small home, seemed to go well enough. Our daughter helped out around the house, helped with the kids, etc. My cousin never mentioned that anything was problematic and never hinted at compensation being expected. Several months later, my aunt has suggested that we drop a check in the mail to my cousin for having supported our daughter for the aforementioned time.

In my embarrassment, I'm not sure how to proceed. Should I approach my cousin about what she'd like done or just send money with a "thank you" and an apology? Should I assume that this really came from my cousin, and my aunt was just the messenger? We have a great relationship with both of these relatives. We had talked about sending something, but ultimately didn't -- we thought it might be insulting. How should we handle this?Flummoxed Parents

DEAR FLUMMOXED: You should handle this directly and honestly. Offering housing and support for more than three months in New York City is no small thing. You should assume your cousins did this out of the goodness of their hearts -- just as you would for a family member.

However, I do think it would be kind to offer a material thank you, knowing that any compensation does not negate (or diminish) their generosity.

Send a note saying, "We are so grateful for your generosity and have been going back and forth in trying to figure out how to thank you. Your mother suggested we send a check and we agree -- we hope you will take this and perhaps send yourselves on a weekend getaway. 'Christy' will watch the kids, of course!"

Additionally, your daughter should offer her gratitude separately.