Brother's split snarls wedding guest list

DEAR AMY: My brother and his wife announced right after Christmas that they were getting a divorce. The split was ... not the greatest (he cheated).

They are able to communicate occasionally now, but they are far from friends. My sister-in-law has become a good friend of mine and was supposed to be a bridesmaid in my wedding. Now she is no longer going to be a bridesmaid. I have spoken to my brother about my intention to still have her come to the wedding as a guest if she's willing, and he has said he is totally fine with this. Now my brother has told the family that he has someone new in his life who he thinks is going to be around for a long time. My fiance and I haven't sent the wedding invitations out yet, but I'm not inclined to invite the new girlfriend. However, if they are going to be serious, I don't want to start off another possible family relationship on the wrong foot. If I do invite her, I know my sister-in-law will not come, and that would make me sad. I haven't talked about this to any of the family yet, but I wanted to see what you think.Anxious

DEAR ANXIOUS: I'm assuming your brother's prospective wedding date is also the woman with whom he cheated. Your sister-in-law knows he is your brother and that to some extent you are stuck with some of the choices he makes in his life.

Your brother should create an opportunity for you to meet his date well before your wedding. The basic protocol is to invite people in serious and/or long-term relationships to attend your wedding along with the primary guest.

You should be honest with your sister-in-law and tell her your brother is bringing a date. Encourage her to also bring a date. She may choose not to attend due to her own discomfort, but make sure she knows you hope to maintain a friendship with her, regardless of what your brother does.