DEAR AMY: A friendly acquaintance who sings in a choir with me asked me the other night at rehearsal whether my husband smokes. I said yes. She said she knew this because she could smell it on me! I was embarrassed and felt uncomfortable for the rest of the evening. I was surprised at the boldness of her comments. Does the current anti-smoking attitude of society at large now make it OK to "call out" someone for smelling vaguely of third-hand smoke? I would never dream of mentioning to another person that I detected any sort of odor on him or her. Yes, my husband of 40 years smokes, and I do not. I am not thrilled about his habit, but have given up trying to get him to quit. He does some of his smoking outside and some inside. I suppose it is unavoidable that I will pick up traces of this odor, but by the time it reaches my friend's nose I cannot believe that whatever traces of the actual smoke on my person are any threat to her health. I bathe daily and launder my clothing regularly. What might I say if she ever raises the issue again -- to let her know that I feel her comments are out of line? Or do I actually owe people an apology for tainting their atmosphere? 
 --Flustered 
 &nbsp; 
 DEAR FLUSTERED: You don't owe anyone an apology. When someone makes an unwarranted comment that pretty much floors you, the best response is to be honest: "Wow, what you said is very embarrassing to me. Are you telling me because it's a problem for you?" I can imagine that in a choir (where you are forced to stand cheek by jowl for long periods) one's scent becomes more obvious (and potentially troublesome). I can also imagine that someone reeking of tobacco could create a problem. 
 But this is not you, and this fellow choir member did not say it was a problem -- only that she noticed it. 
 I assume you will do everything possible to clear the air -- including changing into fresh clothes before rehearsal.

DEAR AMY: A friendly acquaintance who sings in a choir with me asked me the other night at rehearsal whether my husband smokes. I said yes. She said she knew this because she could smell it on me! I was embarrassed and felt uncomfortable for the rest of the evening. I was surprised at the boldness of her comments. Does the current anti-smoking attitude of society at large now make it OK to "call out" someone for smelling vaguely of third-hand smoke? I would never dream of mentioning to another person that I detected any sort of odor on him or her. Yes, my husband of 40 years smokes, and I do not. I am not thrilled about his habit, but have given up trying to get him to quit. He does some of his smoking outside and some inside. I suppose it is unavoidable that I will pick up traces of this odor, but by the time it reaches my friend's nose I cannot believe that whatever traces of the actual smoke on my person are any threat to her health. I bathe daily and launder my clothing regularly. What might I say if she ever raises the issue again -- to let her know that I feel her comments are out of line? Or do I actually owe people an apology for tainting their atmosphere? --Flustered DEAR FLUSTERED: You don't owe anyone an apology. When someone makes an unwarranted comment that pretty much floors you, the best response is to be honest: "Wow, what you said is very embarrassing to me. Are you telling me because it's a problem for you?" I can imagine that in a choir (where you are forced to stand cheek by jowl for long periods) one's scent becomes more obvious (and potentially troublesome). I can also imagine that someone reeking of tobacco could create a problem. But this is not you, and this fellow choir member did not say it was a problem -- only that she noticed it. I assume you will do everything possible to clear the air -- including changing into fresh clothes before rehearsal.

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