Churchgoing should be daughter's decision

DEAR AMY: I am 16 and have been going to church with my family almost every week for my entire life. Recently, I have not wanted to go to church and have made more than subtle hints to my family. "It's boring" has been my complaint every Sunday. I think they know how I feel and are hoping it is a phase. I really want to tell them, but I can just hear Mom saying, "You're not old enough to know what you're talking about." I could also imagine her telling me that she'll sign me up for religious counseling. My friends and my sister know I don't believe in my church's teachings, but I don't think my parents will be thrilled. I know I need to tell them, but how do I? I'm willing to do community service in place of going to church. I think I'm old enough to make the decision myself.Lost Faith

DEAR LOST: I agree that you are old enough to make that decision. I disagree that you must discuss your faith (or loss of faith) with your parents, however. Faith is individual and deeply personal. You should not feel forced to discuss it with anyone if you don't want to. However, you have to exist in your family, and you must try to negotiate a reasonable solution.

You could show how mature you are by seeking the advice of your clergy on your own before discussing this with your folks.

This is a familiar issue, and a compassionate pastor may encourage your parents to give you more space.

DEAR AMY: My boyfriend lost one of his brothers in a tragic accident a few years ago. For the holidays, he and his other brother will be visiting their parents in a different state (I will not be going). I plan to make a personalized gift for each of his family members for my boyfriend to take with him. The gifts are handmade stained-glass ornaments with each person's name gilded on the ornament. Would it be in poor taste to include an ornament with the deceased brother's name on it? They were a very close-knit family, and I do not want to make them feel weird about it, but I also do not want them to think I've overlooked an important family member.

Wondering

DEAR WONDERING: Make an ornament with the deceased brother's name on it to match the rest of the family's. If the family isn't comfortable having it on display, they can put it away, but I imagine they would be touched by the gesture. The best person to advise you on this is your boyfriend.