Confront daughter about her pot smoking

DEAR AMY: My 24-year-old daughter graduated from college two years ago and moved back in with me last year. I realize my daughter is an adult, but we have had some issues about her smoking pot, which I do not allow in my home. My daughter works part-time and has her own money. Recently, she has been going upstairs and spending a great deal of time with a 60-year-old female in-law, who lives in our building. One evening she came back from a visit and she was so high that her eyes were barely open and her speech was impaired. I confronted her and she confirmed they smoke pot together. I think a 60-year-old woman should not be smoking pot with my 24-year-old daughter. This woman is a bad influence. Should I confront her? She knows I have been concerned about my daughter's use and her recent behavior changes, including her laziness. I don't care what this other person does, but I do care that she is encouraging my daughter to use drugs that have kept her from passing a urine test for a permanent job.Concerned Parent

DEAR CONCERNED: You want to confront the wrong person about your daughter's drug use.

Your daughter will find someone to smoke pot with as long as she is using pot, whether it is a family member, friend or co-worker. Her behavior is the immediate problem in your household.

I shared your letter with Charles Rubin, author of "Don't Let Your Kids Kill You: A Guide for Parents of Drug and Alcohol Addicted Children." Rubin says, "You must take a firmer line and tell her to get a full-time job or work full-time hours within a specific time frame. Tell her, 'If you're smoking, you obviously won't be able to get that job and I won't be able to offer you housing any longer.' Give her a deadline and calmly stick to it.

"In addition to preserving your own self and health, you have the opportunity to influence her by your example."