Coping with Alzheimer's: A year later

For Harriet Garzero, one of the most thoughtful gestures a person can make is simply to ask her to say hello to her husband, Edward, for them.

When someone recently said as much, she said, "I felt like, yeah! Edward is still your friend, he's still here."

Nearly five years ago, Edward, now 83, was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Since then, Edward, a former scenic artist for movies and television, and Harriet, 77, his wife of 52 years, have been struggling to adjust to their new life with the disease at their home in Center Moriches. "We're managing better, and I don't feel overwhelmed," she said. "I guess I'm learning to accept help."

Their support-group peers at the Long Island Alzheimer's Foundation have been "invaluable," they said, guiding them through the emotional and technical aspects of the disease. Their four children have been equally supportive, they said.

"The kids come to see us more and check in on us more," Edward said, before adding with a laugh, "I keep saying to myself, 'Gee, I must be dying!' "

Their parish, St. John the Evangelist Roman Catholic Church in Center Moriches, also has been a source of help, they said, and Edward continues to coach Harriet as a lector. "I enjoy doing it," he said. "It makes me feel useful."

Edward's physical health has deteriorated, and he can no longer stand up and walk by himself, but Harriet said the two of them are finding ways to manage.

Cognitively, Edward seems to be stable, she said, but Edward conceded that when Harriet mentions a name, he sometimes has trouble figuring out how he knows the person or what he or she looks like. Harriet helps fill in the blanks, he said, but he feels that putting his thoughts together has become more difficult.

"It is the pace of his thinking that is slowing down," Harriet said. "But there's still a pace. He's not hit a dead end."

One of the things she's learned as a caregiver, Harriet said, is to adjust the way she takes time to enjoy herself. Before Edward's health deteriorated, she loved to travel and to see Broadway shows. "Now my time is spent doing practical things, so there's no time to play," she said. "I have to do my playing in other ways now."

She recognizes this through simple insights, like the recent realizations that she hadn't bought makeup or thrown a dinner party in years.

"We've solved problems that I thought were unsolvable," she said. "I do anticipate more changes. But as the changes come, I hope we can adapt and come out the other end stronger and smarter."