Daughter's boyfriend is a pain pill addict

DEAR AMY: Our daughter (age 22) has been dating a man (age 27) for seven months. Recently they stayed with us for a few days. One day he asked to use our shower in the master bathroom. Afterward -- I am not sure why (call it mother's intuition) -- I checked a closet where I had some Oxycodone (about 14 tablets that were prescribed to me but which I no longer take). I was shocked when I found the box empty. At the end of the visit, he tearfully told us that he had stolen the pain pills and took two of them. He said he panicked and flushed the rest down the toilet. He told us he has struggled with a pain pill addiction for many years. He has had two relapses in the past six months. We are terrified at what this could mean for our daughter. We had concerns from the beginning that this guy just didn't seem to have his life together. Now we know why.

We think she is being very naive about addiction. She thinks he's "fine." He has a very strong personality and is very good with people. He worried we would call the police about the theft. He told our daughter how much he likes us -- and with our help he can get through this. This makes me feel like he is manipulating us. He does not have a good relationship with his own family. Should we ask him to let us talk to his family? Worried Sick

DEAR WORRIED: If you believe this man flushed 12 Oxycodone pills down the toilet, then you are also naive about the disease of addiction.

This relapsing addict will not get better on his own. As nice as he is, he should not be welcome in your home until he can prove to you that he has successfully completed rehab. That's actual rehab -- not a self-professed cold turkey cure.

Don't get overly involved in this man's problems; stay emotionally close with your daughter, and do your best to educate her about the reality of being with an addict. She would benefit from professional counseling and/or Al-Anon meetings.