Deal with your troubling parents on your own terms

DEAR AMY: I am 20 years old. I left my family home and moved across the country when I was 18. I left because of emotional and physical abuse by my parents. I was not allowed social interaction and was a slave to my family. I moved in with my boyfriend, who is now my fiance. My family is very religious and does not approve of my choices. I work full time, go to college (4.0 GPA so far!) and pay all my expenses. Communication between my family and me has been rare and painful. My mother offered to pay for my ticket to come visit for the holidays, with the stipulation that my fiance stay away. They have told me they hate him, and blame him for "stealing" me away. Should I visit, knowing that my family will pressure me to come back home or should I just show up with my fiance and see what happens?

Worried Daughter

DEAR WORRIED: If you want to go home, pay for your own ticket, and if that means you and your fiance (if he wants to go) have to hop a bus for the trip and find a place to stay, that's what you should do.

Otherwise, you should invite your mother to use the money she would have spent on your ticket to come visit you.

Your burden now is to continue to grow up and not let any individual control you (this includes your fiance).

You're too young to completely cut yourself off from your family. I hope you will leave the door open to a relationship with them, but on your terms.

DEAR AMY: You rightly advised "Confused Friend" to tell his pal that the guy's girlfriend hit on him. After I brought a date to a party, a friend called to say, "I don't know how you're going to take this, but last night your date slipped me her number." I thanked him and then I sent her packin'. He's still a friend; she's so far out of my mind I've forgotten her name. Pete

DEAR PETE: I'd want to know.