Depressed dad needs counseling

DEAR AMY: My husband of 20 years is very negative and moody, and it seems to be getting worse as the years go by. I suspect he has underlying issues from his childhood or is suffering from depression. He is opinionated, judgmental and has to point out the negative aspects of any situation. My eldest daughter has asked me why Dad never seems happy. She tells me she avoids him. He has acknowledged that he is negative and that it is causing issues within our family. I have been prescribed an antidepressant (which he was furious about), and this has helped me to deal with the negativity I am exposed to on a daily basis. He says he doesn't notice when he's negative and wants me to tell him so. He has been a good husband and father to our two teenage girls. Should I be concerned about any long-term effects living with such a negative personality will have on the kids?Trying to Stay Positive

DEAR TRYING: Your husband's negativity has already affected your children -- it has stifled their ability to communicate with their father and contributed to their mother's being on medication.

Your kids deserve to see their parents tackle a difficult issue -- and even if their dad doesn't become Mr. Sunshine overnight, they'll see him trying. He's already trying by acknowledging this issue and asking you to help him identify his negative moments.

I'm very (mock) surprised that a physician would prescribe medication to you without first trying to get to the root cause of what ails your family.

Urge your husband to join you in counseling. Emphasize that you want him to recover some of the spirit he displayed when you were all younger.

A counselor could help you discover patterns in your dynamic and suggest ways to identify the triggers -- in order to avoid them.

DEAR AMY: Like "Ignored Mom," I faced the same issue with naughty kids left at school bus stops. I repeatedly told the kids to stop various behaviors. I was ignored. Rather than trying to contact their parents, I called the school to report their behavior and disrespectful attitudes. End of problem!Laurie

DEAR LAURIE: "Ignored Mom" was dealing with kids who were engaging in dangerous behavior along the road at the bus stop. I suggested that, as the adult on the scene, she should try harder to be in charge -- and also contact the parents.

I have learned that school conduct rules extend to kids' behavior at the bus stop. I agree that contacting the school (perhaps in addition to the parents) is the way to go.