DNA test leaves her hurting for the truth

DEAR AMY: I am a 37-year-old woman. Through a DNA test, I recently learned that my father is not my biological dad. Growing up, I didn't look anything like my sister. My mother denied ever being with a man other than my dad. She stormed out after this conversation, saying, "Fine - I'm a bad mother. Hate me forever!" I'm angry because this isn't about her being a good or bad mother. It's about my not knowing who I am. I feel so lost. I can't talk to my dad about this because he has alcoholic dementia. What's worse is that a few of my mother's friends and my sister knew that he was possibly not my biological father. The rumor is that my father was a military man. If my mom doesn't own up to it, I'll never get this resolved. I'm married to a wonderful man, and we have two great kids, but I still feel alone. How do I move forward?Lost

DEAR LOST: You move forward one little step at a time.

Your mother's reaction to you, while unkind, is understandable. She has boxed herself into a corner over this, and you might make some headway by helping her climb out.

Tell her what you're thinking and feeling. Tell her, "This doesn't mean you are a bad mother, and I don't hate you, but I need to know the truth about who I am. I don't judge you." Don't rely on rumors, but try your hardest to coax the truth from your mother.

DEAR AMY: "Confused friend" was concerned because his best friend's girlfriend propositioned him in an online conversation. How can he be sure he was actually online chatting with the girlfriend? People leave their computers unattended all the time with open programs. Unless Confused is 100 percent sure he was online with her, he should 100 percent keep his mouth shut.Not Confused

DEAR NOT: Many readers made the same suggestion. Thank you.