Do the right thing by the second family

DEAR AMY: My father had a secret "second" family that he started after all the children from his "first family" had been born. My siblings and I have a half-brother and half-sister. They are probably in their 50s. We never communicated with them, and over the years we never tried to contact them. We are unaware of any attempts by them to contact us. Our father paid court-mandated child support, but I have heard that the other family lived a "tough" life. Our father is now elderly and in poor health, and I am also worrying about this aspect of our family dynamic, along with social/legal etiquette and protocol. For "estate" purposes, the "first" family children have already agreed that the "second" family children are equal beneficiaries in whatever modest estate emerges. Our motto is: "Do the right thing." What are the right things socially/etiquette-wise? What are the wrong things?

Seeking Answers to Everything

DEAR SEEKING: I'm not aware of any specific protocol surrounding secret second families. You should do here what you should always do: Be kind, be considerate and demonstrate family values to the best of your ability.

Depending on your father's state of health, you and your siblings could speak with him openly. If that's not possible, try to locate these family members after your father's death (Facebook is an amazing resource). I give you and your siblings much credit for facing this challenging issue so gracefully. Somebody raised you well.

DEAR AMY: I am friendly with a wonderful woman whose kids are close in age to mine. We share common interests, and our children frequently play together. I think her husband may have a "crush" on me. He has never said or done anything outright, but I've caught him staring at me. I don't think he would act on it, but it still makes me uncomfortable. I try to spend time with this woman and her kids when he is not around, and I also try not to be in a situation where I am alone with him. Am I doing the right thing, or should I back off from my friendship with her?Crushed

DEAR CRUSHED: Don't back off from your friendship -- that way the terrorist wins. Ignore this guy. If he says or does anything more overtly inappropriate, call him on it immediately.

Creepy stalker people rely on an unspoken intimidation factor -- along with the good manners of their prey. But if someone intrudes repeatedly into your space, it's OK to say a version of, "What's your game, mister?" If you can't shut this down, then you'll have to explain to your friend why you are backing away from the friendship.