Don bridesmaid's dress, doff the attitude

DEAR SUSAN: I am to be maid of honor in a wedding next fall. The bride has said that all 12 members of the wedding party will be seated with their dates. I am the only one who's single. The idea of "sitting alone" while everyone else in that ugly dress is with her husband is oddly disheartening. On one hand, it is absurd; I am very social and always have a blast, with or without a date. Yet that deeply ingrained voice of society has made me feel I will be a freak, an object of pity, just because I will be attending a wedding alone. Guess I'm not so immune to those nasty voices as I thought.

--From the Internet

DEAR BLOGGER: There are two sides here, the outside world and your own, right? Well, as I see it, you must be in agreement with those nasty voices for them to have their full effect. Defy them by a) looking fabulous; b) being as sweet, smiley and friendly as you can be, and c) looking fabulous. The raised eyebrow of the outside world is only interested in the "usual" order of things, which in your case means being escorted to the wedding by a man, any man at all, just so that the outside world can relax and not be dislodged from its stifling expectations. You are the only one who can put you in a foul mood, feeling left out and different. And you're not about to sign off and agree with those silly voices of disapproval. Bravo.

DEAR SUSAN: You'd think that a columnist who is in favor of solitude wouldn't make the assumption that every unmarried person is just staying strong on the outside, learning to "deal with" solitude while secretly wetting his/her pants to get married. Wrong again.

--From the Internet

DEAR BLOGGER: Let's clear up this gross misunderstanding step by step, shall we? For openers, I'm not in favor of solitude. I advocate undependence (aka wholeness), enjoying a full and peopled life by pursuing interests rather than a do-or-die regimen of meaningless dating. I'm all for growing emotionally, expanding yourself by exploring the world (partnered or not), and deleting time-wasting people and activities. Nowhere in my Declaration of Undependence do I advocate becoming a loner or a hermit. The way I see it, singleness is too rich in possibilities to make that a campaign promise! I am wondering how you came to such a misunderstanding. My concept of singleness is that it is our individuality, our single core. It is in our DNA, our selfhood, the thing that sets us apart and makes us unique. Everything I do in the field of singleness is with the belief that we are innately single, whether or not we are lovingly partnered. Solitude helps us commune with ourselves, yes, but it makes for an empty life. Seems you didn't understand that. Wrong again.