Don't begin new living arrangement with a lie

DEAR AMY: I'm 18, a high school graduate and living with my mother and stepfather while I attend classes. My dad has not been in the picture since I was born. About five months ago, we moved to another state with the intention of finding our own place. But we're still in a two-bedroom house with seven people. I haven't made a single friend, although I have tried. I am also having issues with my mom, stepfather and younger siblings - who are more than eight years younger. My aunt recently offered me a plane ticket and living costs to move out of state with her. If I go, I can probably work and save up a nice chunk for college in the fall. But I must stand up to my mother. My plan is to wait until the end of this semester and say I'm going on a weeklong trip, then call her and let her know I'm staying there.

Afraid of Parental Unit

DEAR AFRAID: Your aunt is being generous, but she is also doing an end run around your parents by dealing directly with you on a matter that affects the whole family.

It might help if you saw this not as a confrontation, but as a plan for you to continue your education and find work. If you present this as a positive opportunity, your parents might see it that way.

It is cowardly for you to lie to your parents by taking off on a visit and lowering the boom once you've arrived.

That's a guaranteed recipe for discord.

DEAR AMY: In response to "Disgusted," whose family watched TV during dinner, my mother never let anyone begin eating until she, the cook, also sat down. I can happily say that my husband and children abide by this common courtesy. Nothing happens to "Disgusted" that she doesn't allow to happen.

Rules of Conduct

DEAR CONDUCT: Dr. Phil says it well: We teach other people how to treat us.