Don't encourage daughter to be a couch potato

DEAR AMY: We sent our daughter to the expensive private college of her dreams. We paid for school, so she has no loans to repay. Graduation was two months ago. Now that she is home, she will not make a serious attempt to look for work or an internship. Her father seems to agree that she should be doing more, but he claims I am too hard on her because I have pressed her to refresh her resumé, make contacts, look for something to do and not sleep until noon or later. He also said we will have to wait until she is motivated.

With free room and board, Internet and a big-screen TV, she might never be motivated.

Fed-Up Mom

DEAR FED-UP: You and your husband need to present a united position. As long as he tolerates this behavior, your daughter will continue her career as a couch potato.

You are part of the problem, too. Take away the car, allowance, phone and TV. Give her a deadline - say Sept. 1 - when you'll start charging a reasonable rent.

Don't feel sorry for her.

Have confidence that she will figure things out.

You'll help by showing her the reality of what life is like when you are unoccupied or under-occupied. It's tough. It's boring. And it's a waste of precious time.

DEAR AMY: I am single and date a lot. A while ago, I had a date who got too drunk to drive. I believe he wanted to stay the night. While I was concerned for his safety, I wouldn't compromise mine.

He slept in his car for a while and then headed home. I never went out with him again. He even had the nerve to try to make me feel guilty later.Holding Her Ground

DEAR HOLDING: The worst reason to let someone spend the night in your home is if he is too drunk to be elsewhere. I agree with letting him sleep it off in his car.