Don't keep your illness from your child

DEAR AMY: Several years ago, while in my 40s, I was diagnosed with a type of chronic leukemia, CLL, during a routine blood test. I still have no physical symptoms and only have blood tests twice a year to monitor my blood count. Emotionally I have my ups and downs, but for the most part I am doing fine. Statistically I am five to seven years away from needing any treatment. There is no cure. I am happily married and have two teenage children.

My older child found out about the CLL right away, but my younger one has not been told.

I have wanted to tell her, but my husband has discouraged me because there is nothing that can be done and I am still symptom-free. We also only have told a small circle of family and friends. Disclosing this is not easy. Am I wrong to keep the truth from her because basically I am OK? I am torn between the thought of this hurting her and the fact that I am keeping this huge secret when others know.

Obviously Anonymous

DEAR OBVIOUSLY ANONYMOUS: As a parent you should strive to demonstrate to your children that there is nothing in life that is too challenging to face.

You say you want to tell your daughter. Do it.

It's OK to admit that you are concerned, confused or unsure about something, but what a gift it would be to your kids if you faced this openly and were able to project an attitude of optimism about the outcome.

I'm not suggesting that you shrug this off, but do you want your children to think that this is a tragedy worthy of secrecy? Or do you want them to watch their mom handle a serious health challenge with equanimity? Please choose the latter.

The National Cancer Institute (cancer.gov) has helpful, factual information about CLL; the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society (lls.org) offers information and links to support. You also may call LLS to talk this over with a social worker: 800-955-4572.