Don't second-guess friend's therapist

DEAR AMY: About five years ago I became close friends with someone who smoked and drank heavily even though I don't smoke. I drank with her at first but stopped because someone needed to be sober enough to drive. I suspect my friend has a mood disorder because her mood shifts from being amenable and amiable to going on the warpath - with me and other friends, her family, work associates and the world at large. She denies she's bipolar and is going to counseling to address what she believes is mostly an anxiety disorder. She is now on medication to address this, but I think her therapist is missing the point. (My friend's brother committed suicide and had been diagnosed as an alcoholic and bipolar.)

I've suggested she check out AA, but she says groups are not for her. Is she wrong? Or am I the one who is missing

the point?

Concerned and Perplexed

DEAR CONCERNED: When readers write to me with long-distance or secondhand diagnoses, it is of concern to me.

You are missing the point.

Your role as a friend is not to second-guess your friend's therapist, diagnosis or medication, but to enjoy the friendship, cheer your friend on to greatness (or even goodness) and put up with a minimum of nonsense from her.

If you suggest AA and she won't go, then you have one answer: You will be the designated driver for the foreseeable future.

You are very well intentioned, but you should be focused on your own issues.

Why, for instance, are

you in a relationship with someone who seems to

take so much but give so little?

No matter what disorders your friend might have, surely it would be better for you to spend time with someone who values your insight and compassion.