Engagement plans? Gay and lesbian New Yorkers now getting "put a ring on it" pressure as well

Many moms and dads are not-so-secretly hoping that their gay sons and lesbian daughters will "put a ring on it" this holiday season.

Welcome to equality: the land where families and friends think nothing of urging you to the altar and inquiring about your reproductive intentions.

Gay New Yorkers who felt "demoralized by the lack of respect are finally blooming and blossoming," as a result of the Supreme Court's June demolition of a key section of the Defense of Marriage Act, observed Greenwich Village psychotherapist Joanne Spina.

But the right to marry has also delivered unexpected social pressure on people who have long formed their own creative, and, at times, unconventional, partnerships that they were previously under no pressure to define.

"Put a ring on it" urgings and pressures to procreate began after marriage equality passed in New York State in 2011, but really ramped up after the Supreme Court demolished most of DOMA.

"I definitely feel pressure," not just to marry, but to become a father, said Sebastian Arango, a 31-year-old dancer and sales associate in midtown, who has been engaged since January.

The unsubtle plea coming from both his and his fiancé's mother, Arango said, is " 'Hurry up and get married! We want kids!' They're both fine with adoption or surrogacy: They just want grandchildren."

Marcelo Abramovich, a clinical social worker and therapist in Chelsea, said, "Many parents worried when their children came out, fearing their kids would live isolated, childless lives. Now, all options are open. They don't want [their children] to be alone, and feel marriage not only confers legal protections but cements a relationship."

The pressure on longtime couples to sign the papers can also come from gay friends.

Harry Brownlee, 78, a retired psychiatrist who lives on the Upper West Side with his partner of 23 years, to whom he has been married for five, said he routinely encourages longtime couples to make their relationships legal. "I'm very direct: I don't have a problem asking them, 'Are you at all concerned about inheritance and tax issues? Are you protecting each other?' " Brownlee said.

The increasing acceptance of same-sex marriage has also forced some couples who were previously spared the task of "defining" their love to take stock of what, exactly, their relationship means.

"The question of marriage for a lot of couples has exposed the fault lines in their relationships [such as] money, inheritance issues, and alimony," and forced individuals to confront just how much they trust each other, said Michael Kahle, a Chelsea psychotherapist.

While everyone rejoiced to see DOMA demolished and gay marriage legalized, those who are not immediately positioned to avail themselves of the new rights sometimes wish they were. "It's a bittersweet feeling of being a single gay man and being perhaps older or middle-aged and feeling left out," Kahle said.