Enjoy sports, but focus on your kids' education

My children, ages 11 and 13, are straight-A students and participate in soccer, lacrosse and track. Last week, my 11-year-old was rejected from a sports program for immature behavior. My husband restricts her from seeing friends, watching TV and using the computer. He feels that sports are their ticket to college.

The idea that sports will be a "ticket to college" isn't realistic, says Jim Brown, who has been a middle-school guidance counselor, a high-school guidance counselor and director of guidance in the Wantagh School District. He's had to offer perspective to many parents who have similar high hopes, he says. "We have many, many three-season athletes who play for four years. A very small percentage of them get any real scholarship money. It's like being a movie star. It's the top 2 to 3 percent, if that."

While the child may end up playing a sport in college, the likelihood is that she would play club, intramural or Division III sports, none of which offers substantial financial support, Brown says. He recommends not putting that kind of pressure on an 11-year-old. The second issue is that your 11-year-old was rejected from a program due to behavior. "My concern as a former guidance counselor would be about the whole child. Is the immature behavior age appropriate?" If not, he suggests talking to a school psychologist or guidance counselor. "The focus should really be on her well-being," he says.