Even good advice can be bad if it's unsolicited

DEAR AMY: We recently attended a wedding where our son and his wife were also invited as guests. They have two sons, 2 and 2 months old. Minutes before the wedding, we found out they intended to bring the boys to the ceremony and reception. They had fancy outfits for them and had asked the bride and groom if it was OK. We suggested it would not be a good idea because there would be a good chance the children would disturb the wedding, it would compete with the bride on her day, and if the parents of the bride and groom wanted children to attend, they would have invited children. There were no other children present except a 12-year-old niece (a bridesmaid) and a 6-year-old nephew. Our son and daughter-in-law are upset that we gave our advice, which was very reluctantly accepted. The wedding was a big success with no interruptions, but our son and daughter-in-law are hardly speaking to us. Did we do the right thing in offering our advice?Hurting in Florida

DEAR HURTING: Were you asked for your advice? If not, then you shouldn't have offered it.

I have a quote scrawled on a note over my desk: "Unsolicited advice is always self-serving." I keep it there to remind me - an advice columnist - to zip it unless asked.

I agree that people should never bring children to weddings unless the children are specifically included on the invitation. But in this context, what, exactly, does this have to do with you? You might have spared the feelings of all parties involved by offering to help with the children if your son and daughter-in-law needed it during the ceremony.

Presumably the bride and groom agreed to these uninvited tiny tots when your kin had the nerve to ask them. It's their wedding, these are their guests, and it's up to them to advocate for themselves.