Face it, your girlfriend isn't there for you

DEAR AMY: I have been in a relationship for almost five years, but we don't seem to be connecting any more. I am divorced, and I am raising two girls on my own. I went through a very difficult time this year with some health problems. My older daughter was also diagnosed with bipolar disease. I almost lost her. My girlfriend was not there for me when I needed her the most. She refuses to come over to my house and spend time with me and my girls. Her answer is that she cannot deal with my bipolar daughter and doesn't want to be around her. In her last marriage, her husband's son was also bipolar and would not take his medication. It caused a lot of issues. My girlfriend will only see me on neutral territory. All of our time together is spent at her place and going out to dinner - or doing things outside of my home. I have been going to a therapist, and my therapist invited her to attend a session. She did not accept the invitation. How can I bring the person who I thought was the love of my life back into my world - or is this relationship over?

--Sad Dad

DEAR DAD: Your girlfriend has set very clear parameters for your relationship. She will not adjust her parameters and will not meet with you in a therapeutic environment to discuss it.

You have the advantage of clarity here, and while clarity is the key to negotiating the future, you are also faced with the immutable truth: Your girlfriend is not on your side.

As a man and as a father, you need to be with someone who is on your side.

By accepting your girlfriend's limitations, including her refusal to spend time with your children, you are telling them that you will accept less than you (and they) deserve in a partner.

You can do much better.