Fed up with husband's bad loans to kin

DEAR AMY: A year ago, my husband's brother "Jimmy" asked us to "lend" him $1,000. My husband asked for my opinion. We found out this was to finance a trip to Las Vegas, and I was against it. My husband gave him the money anyway. Years ago, my husband's other brother, "Vinny," was the recipient of many "loans" from my husband, which were never repaid. Vinny is an alcoholic and a marginal character, and my husband finally stopped giving him money (as far as I know). When Jimmy "borrowed" the money a year ago, he said, "Don't worry, this is not a 'Vinny loan,' " implying that he did intend to repay the money, unlike his derelict brother. I'd like to just let this go, but it seems to stick in my craw. I asked my husband recently if Jimmy has said anything about the money he owes us. The answer was no. I am aware that "loans" to family members are rarely repaid. I'm hoping you can reaffirm this and I will just be able to move on.Stuck

DEAR STUCK: I like your husband's choice to run these family payments past you, but not when he completely disregards your recommendation and simply does what he intended to do all along. If he is going to involve you, he should be brave enough to give you an actual vote on the family loan committee.

When there are no terms, conditions or consequences attached to loans, they are called "gifts." Take this episode as an opportunity to talk with your husband about how to run your family's loan operation in the future. I like the idea of setting aside a maximum amount for family gifts and loans and considering all requests (from either side of the family) together.

The trick for getting this $1,000 back -- or stopping further requests -- is pretty simple: The next time "Jimmy" comes to you for a loan (and there will be a next time), you say, "When you pay back our initial loan of $1,000, we'll consider lending to you again."