Fuming that family missed her anniversary fete

DEAR AMY: Recently my daughters held a surprise 25th wedding anniversary for my husband and me. About 40 people attended. Although my husband's family and many friends were there, no one in my family showed up. My sister-in-law from Switzerland attended. My brother-in-law, who lives four hours away, managed to make it. My family lives about four hours away. My father's claim was that there was construction along the route and he didn't want to navigate it. My brother said his mother-in-law was having a problem and so he couldn't make it. One sister never gave me a reason. I am fuming and feel like sending a letter to them. Should I?

--Fuming in California

DEAR FUMING: You could write a letter to your family members, as long as you think it through. Scolding them through a letter might not have the effect you'd hope. It might only serve to make them defensive and cause them to brand you as extra-sensitive.

You might do better by simply asking each family member, "Can you imagine how I felt knowing that you weren't willing to or interested in making the effort to attend this celebration? I missed you very much."

DEAR AMY: "Worried Son" wrote about his raging and jealous father. About 25 years ago, my friend's father wrote a series of vicious, rage-filled letters to his mother and sisters. He then turned on his wife with verbal accusations. Finally, when she told him, "Either you see a doctor or I am leaving you," they went to a psychiatrist together. The diagnosis? Bipolar disorder. His many years of hard work as an engineer with a lot of travel around the U.S., had kept it in check. Once retired, all hell broke loose.

--Jean

DEAR JEAN: Many readers found the story sadly familiar.