Future in-laws may not like tattooed minister

DEAR AMY: I am getting married next year. I am agnostic and my fiance is a Christian, but he's going through some issues with his faith. Neither of us wants a religious ceremony.

His dad and stepmom are extremely religious, and I respect their faith. I bow my head at prayer and I am very open to what they have to say about their beliefs. I am also very honest with them about how I feel about religion, and they have been respectful of me as well. Unfortunately, they are not as understanding toward my fiance. They sometimes say things to him that make him very uncomfortable. They have been asking us who will be officiating at the wedding. His stepmom told me this is the only fear they have about the wedding. My fiance and I want a very casual wedding and we have asked one of our friends to get ordained (online) so he can perform the ceremony. He has agreed. This friend has many visible tattoos and will most likely be wearing a kilt to the ceremony. We think my fiance's parents will be extremely upset, and we don't know how to tell them the news. We want to give his dad the opportunity to say something at the wedding or give a speech at the reception. Any advice on how to handle this delicate situation?

--Respectful Bride

DEAR BRIDE: Hike up your kilt and wade right in.

You know in advance that this plan will disappoint your future in-laws. You like and respect them; in addition to that, candor is all you have going for you at this point.

You and your fiance should tell them exactly what you have planned. Acknowledge their disappointment by saying, "We know this isn't what you have in mind for us, but we hope you'll respect our choice." If you want to invite your future father-in-law to speak at the ceremony, realize that this might put him in an awkward position; leave the choice up to him. Expect family and friends to toast you at the reception.