Generous Grandma should put in her 2 cents

DEAR AMY: My uncle is the only one of my grandmother's four children who never had kids. My grandmother has paid for all of her six grandchildren's college tuitions. This uncle is angry that he is not given money equal to the thousands of dollars given to the other three families to pay for their children's tuition. In the past, my grandmother has given him smaller sums to compensate, but we find it unacceptable that he demands money for an expense he does not have. My grandmother offered my uncle money to pay for his second house, but he refused because he thinks he deserves more. Now he won't talk to her. My grandmother's four children are going to meet to talk about this with her financial adviser. Meanwhile, my uncle and his wife are more financially comfortable than my family is. Are we wrong to think that he is haggling when my grandmother has been generous enough?Confused

DEAR CONFUSED: Because you have drawn me into your family's squabble, let me weigh in and say that from your description, your grandmother has not given money to her children, but to her grandchildren. For their educations.

During this upcoming family meeting, it would be a good idea for your grandmother and/or her adviser to be a stronger advocate and tell your uncle in no uncertain terms that he has already received all the money he will be receiving -- unless he wants to go to college. If he chooses to extend his education, his tuition will be covered.

If your uncle refuses to speak to his mother about this, I'd say she's pretty lucky.

DEAR AMY: My boyfriend is in the Army and has been deployed. I have run into issues with his family not being "OK" with us being in a relationship.

I respect their viewpoint, but don't think it's their place to tell us if we should or shouldn't be together. We are both in our 20s and have children from previous relationships. He loves mine as his own and I love his. How do I politely inform his family I'm not going anywhere?Soon to be Army Wife

DEAR SOON: You don't have to politely inform your boyfriend's family of anything. Just be yourself and keep showing up. Be constant, good-humored, respectful and good to their son and grandchildren. That is the most any family can expect. If their son is a better and happier person with you than without you, you won't have to charm them, make declarations or otherwise win them over.

This family is stressed by their son's deployment. Understand this and be patient.