Get counseling for son on abuse story

DEAR AMY: I have an adult son with whom I have had an off-on relationship for most of his life. I have bailed him out of many difficult situations and have "been there" for him. He is estranged from the rest of the family. Recently, he claimed his cousin molested him when they were kids (they're 18 months apart), but he wouldn't offer further details. He has demanded that I repudiate this cousin and cut off any relationship. The cousin is a family man with two kids. He is a lovely person and the only son of my deceased brother. Having no context, no details and no pertinent information, I am hard-pressed to banish someone from my life on my son's say-so. He has "embroidered" situations before, and I am wondering if this is another case of that, based on jealousy stemming from my relationship with the cousin. My son has refused to meet with a counselor or give further details. What is your advice? How can I fix this?

--Bewildered

DEAR BEWILDERED: If your son was molested as a child, this might explain some of his difficulties and estrangements as an adult.

However, if he is refusing to supply any details, he is not only denying you the opportunity to know what happened, but he is also denying himself the chance to talk about this and perhaps take steps toward healing.

Your relationship with his cousin is immaterial right now.

People do render false accusations of sexual abuse, but if this accusation is true, then your son needs to tell his story, be believed, and get help.

You should continue to urge your son toward counseling. A counselor has no personal relationship with either party and can help to coax out this story.

Tell your son you're worried about him and that you've set up a meeting with a counselor. You could both benefit from contacting the Rape, Abuse Incest National Network at rainn.org.