Hard to forgive belittling by girlfriend

DEAR AMY: My girlfriend and I have been together for more than five years. We have grown a lot and gotten past the immaturity of our early 20s. We used to fight constantly, but now our fights are so rare that I would say we have a great relationship with great communication.

My girlfriend can say some extremely cruel things when she is angry. I'm talking about personal attacks. The gist of the attacks is basically that my family doesn't have any money.

Once, when we were on the verge of a breakup, she called me "ghetto trash." While it's true that my family isn't well off, I never went without anything I needed and rarely went without things I wanted. My mother did a great job. I have a good job and no legal troubles of any kind. While eventually I do forget these fights and forgive my girlfriend, these remarks hurt so much that when I'm reminded, I'm left crying and depressed. I'm not exactly the most sensitive guy, but I find these comments devastating.

How do I address this, Amy?Kicked Below the BeltDEAR KICKED: Some people disappear into a kind of white-hot trance when they're angry and strike with cruelty.

But it is never OK to verbally abuse or belittle someone - and the comment your girlfriend made about you is belittling and mean.

You don't need to describe and defend your family - to me or to her. Instead, you should treat this like the serious matter it is, talk to your girlfriend about it, and receive a sincere and believable apology from her.

It's wonderful that you two have a more stable and peaceful relationship than you used to have, but you need to talk about how to fight fairly.

You also should seriously consider what choice you will make if this happens again.

When your girlfriend trashes your family, she is trashing you. If she can't figure out a way to behave differently, this is a deal-breaker, in my mind.