He's got emphysema and his wife still smokes

DEAR AMY: My wife and I have been married for 26 years.

When we met, she was a nurse and I was a law enforcement officer, and we both smoked.

Eight years ago, after smoking for 43 years and being diagnosed with emphysema, I was able to quit smoking on my third try. My wife has refused to quit smoking in the house, even though she knows what it is doing to my health. Her attitude is that she smoked when we met, dated and married, so she sees no reason to stop now, whether or not I am ill. I feel that she is inconsiderate and disrespectful, and after being clinically depressed, I checked myself into a hospital. I was advised to refute the co-dependency I was living in and to force her to choose between the cigarettes or me, her husband. I want to set up a session with a counselor but I am not at all sure she will go. Amy, can you give me your ideas?

--Puzzled in Alaska

DEAR PUZZLED: My ideas involve counseling for you to deal with your depression, a session with a lawyer to deal with your marriage and a camper trailer parked in the driveway for your wife to live (and smoke) in while you two figure out who gets the house, who gets the dog, etc.

I don't like your proposed ultimatum, partly because your wife has already made her choice.

If she won't try or can't shake her smoking addiction, then the least she could do for you is to step onto the porch while she smokes, for goodness' sake.

Her response to your request is to blow smoke into your lungs.

Based on your description of the situation, I don't see what about your relationship is co-dependent. Your relationship is, however, ruinous to your health.

It might help ease your depression to be more proactive in protecting your life.