He squirms because his best friend cheats

DEAR AMY: I have a best friend whom I've been close to all my life. He got married last year. Throughout his relationship, he cheated constantly. I never said anything to him about it; I turned a blind eye, hoping it would subside after marriage, but just recently it happened again. His wife is kind, caring, everything a man should look for. Recently, I've been so uncomfortable around them because I feel this immense sense of guilt. I know I should say something to him, but he gets so defensive. I could never say anything to her, either. I know if she ever found out, his life and hers would both be ruined. What should I do?Bothered in Orlando

DEAR BOTHERED: A cheater gets defensive when caught.

How very unexpected.

If you can't confront your best friend about behavior that you find reprehensible, perhaps you can both dodge and tackle this by saying to him a version of, "I feel terrible. I feel I've been a bad friend. I've watched as you've behaved badly, and I've never let you know the truth about how your behavior affects me. Now I'm so uncomfortable and feel so guilty that I really can't be around you." Sometimes, being a "best friend" means you have to man-up and tell the truth.

Your friend's wife needs to know about his cheating. Among other affronts, he could be exposing her to STDs.

DEAR AMY: My cousin is engaged, and I know he's going to ask me to be a groomsman. He is 25, and I am 41, and I'd prefer not to be in the wedding as I'm so much older than him and his friends. I don't want him to ask me out of obligation, but I think he will. Can I decline his request with an explanation?Ed

DEAR ED: Decline by saying, "Cousin - you're so nice to ask me, but being a groomsman is a young man's game. Let me bow out now and give you a chance to ask a peer.