Hubby's control issues hurting marriage

DEAR AMY: My husband gives me the silent treatment on a regular basis, generally as a response to some innocuous action, like leaving a pencil on the table, or his dislike of my lunch friends at work. Our reconciliations occur only if I make peace. He never makes any attempt to reconcile, apologize or discuss. I find this behavior damaging to my confidence. I find myself resentful after these episodes if he wants to be affectionate because I never know how he will behave. He seems to prefer to pretend that these episodes never happened.Tired of Peacemaking

DEAR TIRED: Of course your husband would prefer to pretend that these episodes never happened, because his reaction to you is immature, rude and wrong. His reaction to your leaving a pencil on the table or other "infraction" is controlling and unhealthy for both of you. The dynamic between you is dispiriting. It is possible to change this dynamic, but he must recognize the key to a good marriage is robust communication.

Ask him to join you in counseling. If he isn't willing to try, you have a difficult choice to make. This situation will not improve on its own.

DEAR AMY: I'm responding to the "Irritated Hostess," who couldn't get her husband's friend to move out of their home. I was in the same situation. My husband's best friend moved in with us while he was separating from his wife. For the first month or so, he looked for his own place -- and then got very comfortable. I felt like a prisoner in my own home. My kids and I would stay upstairs to avoid him. It became clear that he was getting involved in our personal business, which angered me. I gave him two weeks to move out. He thought I was kidding. After those weeks were up I put all his belongings in black trash bags and placed them on the porch. It was rewarding to make good on my promise.

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