Husband's family ignores her birthday

DEAR AMY: Seven years ago I married a widowed man who has three children (all married), nine grandchildren and a great-granddaughter. They all live in another state. I've made it a point to recognize them on their birthdays (or have asked my husband to help with the recognition). When we were first married, I sent substantial cash gifts for birthdays and anniversaries. This stopped after a few years, when the children didn't recognize our anniversary. The birthday gifts were replaced by cards only one year; last year were gifts again, and now this year I'm sending only cards. My birthday is one day after his eldest son's birthday. My birthday goes unrecognized by my husband's children and grandchildren. My husband refuses to support my requests to have my birthday recognized. Last year I sent monthly postcards to the grandchildren (from both of us) and on the month of my birthday, I wrote on the postcard, "I have a birthday this month!" Still nothing. My husband says, "Don't let it bother you," but it does. Any suggestions for handling this?

Upset

DEAR UPSET: Like you, I think birthdays are important because when people remember your birthday, they are basically saying, "I'm glad you were born." But you know what? Your husband's family members don't seem to feel that way. Either that, or they are explicitly sending you a negative message.

Your status here will not change as long as your husband doesn't back you up (it might not change even if he does).

Anything you send should not be for the purpose of reciprocation, but because it is what you want to do.

Keep in touch if you want (I love the idea of monthly postcards to the grandkids) but don't have this contact be from you and your husband -- from you only. And stop if it becomes so unbalanced that you feel foolish.