Is interview query about motherhood fair?

DEAR AMY: I have been out of the workforce for 10 years while being a stay-at-home mom to our son. I recently have interviewed for positions for evenings, nights and/or weekends (my husband would stay with our son). During all of these interviews, I have been asked, point-blank, "Do you have children?" My initial thought is, "Can you really ask me that?!" The first time I was posed this question, I replied, "Yes, I am a mother, and child care is not a problem." Of course, I don't want to initiate a confrontation on a job interview. I want to be considered based on my education and experience, not whether I have a child. What do you think my reply should be?

--Eager to Be Employed

DEAR EAGER: I shared your letter with Justine Lisser, lawyer and spokeswoman for the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission in Washington (eeoc.gov). Your question is understandable -- and valid. Lisser says: "It is illegal to treat women differently from men. While the question itself of whether you have children is not illegal if posed to both men and women, our experience is that it is most likely usually posed only to women, which is illegal."

If you went through this employer's records and noted that only female applicants were asked this question, you could prove that this employer was in violation of the law.

Lisser and I agree that your answer was good. You answered truthfully and anticipated what the employer was getting at. However, you could also have responded with a question: "Why do you ask? Is being a parent an advantage or a disadvantage in this position?"

You can turn this into a pitch by saying: "My parenting explains my employment gap of 10 years. But I hope you'll see from my educational and professional background that I can do the job. And you know that as a mother I'm reliable, motivated and ready to go."