Is she obliged to reveal a shocking family secret?

DEAR AMY: My widowed mother passed away some time ago when she was in her mid-90s. About two years before she died, when I was in my mid-60s, she confided in me that she had an affair many years ago with a man who left this country shortly thereafter, and that he was my biological father. No one else knew of the affair, including her husband (my father), who I always assumed was my biological father. This left me in a state of shock. My mother felt it was important that I knew of this before she died. I'm still not sure whether I am better off knowing it. The father who raised me was a terrible role model. He was a heavy smoker and an alcoholic, and he believed that if a man provided basic food, shelter and clothing, that's all it took to be a good father and husband. He never bought my mother a gift or took her out to dinner, nor did he ever buy his children a present or play with us. He wasn't a bad person, but I think he just didn't know any better. I strived to be the opposite. In reality, when I became an adult, I actually ended up liking the guy. I can understand why my mother had the affair, and I am very curious just what kind of man my biological father was. I am debating whether I should tell my grown children about this. Do I have that obligation?Shocked

DEAR SHOCKED: You have an obligation to live an authentic life. Your children deserve to know the basic truth about you (and about their own genetic history), even if the truth presents challenges you're not sure how they'll handle.

Your children also deserve to know what's going on in your life, certainly if it is causing you ongoing angst. They may assist you in trying to track down other biological family members, if you choose to do this. This journey could lead all of you in fascinating directions.

A therapist could help guide you through this. You should receive ongoing support.