It's reasonable to nix drinks with friends

DEAR AMY: I have friends who like to drink - a lot - and they have no qualms about drinking in front of their children or anyone else's children. My husband and I rarely drink, and we don't want to raise our young child around a lot of alcohol. I am comfortable with a glass of wine or a beer every once in a while, but not a dozen or more beers per person during an afternoon barbecue. My friend's husband gets so drunk and loud that he scares my child. His wife told me she was drinking cocktails while taking her children trick-or-treating. I would like to invite them over for an afternoon visit, but I don't want them showing up with cases of beer and bottles of margarita mix. Any suggestions about how to invite them but ask that they leave the alcohol at home? Aside from the get-together, how should I tell them I think they drink too much? Shouldn't people be able to do what they want as long as they are not hurting someone else?Sad Friend

DEAR SAD: According to you, your friends are hurting other people: They're scaring your child, making you anxious and holding you hostage to their drinking.

For instance, you already are worried about their drinking at an event to which they haven't yet been invited.

If they come to your house, get smashed and drive themselves and their children home, they are endangering themselves and other innocent people, and you could be held liable for whatever mayhem results.

It is reasonable to say, "We'd like you to come over, but we're going to make this barbecue alcohol-free. We won't be serving alcohol and would like for you not to bring any with you." The bigger picture is that your friends' drinking will bring real consequences - for them, their families and friends.

You can telegraph this by saying, "I care about you but I'm worried about your drinking, and I hope you'll get help."