Keep son out of marriage control issues

DEAR AMY: My husband has a habit of undoing things that I do for my son. For instance, if I pick out a certain outfit for him that my husband doesn't like, he will make the child put on clothes he likes better. If I comb my son's hair, he will comb it in a different way. My husband's excuse is that our son will look better and be less likely to be picked on in school. I have quietly tolerated this behavior, but have been vocal about how this is not a good example for my son. It undermines my credibility and equality in parenting and affects our son's self-esteem. My husband sees this behavior as no big deal. -- Frustrated Mom

DEAR MOM: Your son is not a pawn where you two can exercise your control issues. If the child is old enough to attend school, he should be picking out his own clothes (with limited help if he needs it) and - for goodness' sake - combing his own hair. One of the most important lessons of early childhood is that the child learns to make his own choices and understands the consequences of them. If you want a strong and confident child, you will guide - rather than control - him.

I agree with you that it is hard on a child's self-esteem to have parents who control each other through him. If your son is not being picked on at school, then this possibility should not be discussed in front of him. I could imagine the specter of being picked on by his peers could be paralyzing and frightening for a young child. So stop it.

DEAR AMY: I am 65 years old. My significant other is 63 and a self-professed "boob" man. He recently booked a trip to a topless resort, and I am not happy with the thought of going. I can't imagine enjoying a week of sitting around topless with a bunch of hard bodies while he ogles much better-looking bodies. He thinks I am being unreasonable and not taking his priorities into consideration. I think he is being unfair to think that would be a fun time for me. Am I being unreasonable? -- Saggy 65

DEAR SAGGY: You're not being unreasonable. If your guy absolutely must go on a boob-watching trip, and you aren't interested, then don't go. One advantage of being "significant others" is that occasionally you get to be "other" and go your own way.

If you are happy being with someone with this diverting hobby, then - by all means - tell him you will be awaiting his return.

DEAR AMY: I love the letters you're running about unsigned text messages people receive.

The funniest text I received was anonymous. The party sounded like they knew me and used my name. Even though I knew this was a wrong number because it was from out of state, I played along and answered with a funny comment of my own.

Turns out the person he was trying to reach had just one digit different than mine and the same first name as me! We texted back and forth for about an hour. It was quite funny with my husband and his wife joining in the texts. -- Still Chuckling

DEAR CHUCKLING: This sounds like the start of a beautiful friendship.