Leery of brother's bid to help ill husband

DEAR AMY: My husband was just diagnosed with cancer and has been referred to an out-of-town surgeon for treatment. My brother lives nearby and has offered to go with us for my husband's treatment. I'm not close to my brother and don't want to have him hanging around. He had a distant relationship with our parents, and only swooped in to play Florence Nightingale when they were dying. I'm not sure how to make it clear to him that I don't need or want his help without offending him.

Sick-of-it Sister

DEAR SISTER: First, you should try to objectively consider whether your brother might, in fact, be useful to you. After all, the best time to have a "Florence Nightingale" around is when you need the nursing.

Despite your brother's sensitivities and your bitterness toward him, your husband is the person who should make his wishes known and you should follow his lead.

DEAR AMY: After a major car accident, I'm finally able to re-enter the job market. I was brought up to be polite and respectful. Years in the military have reinforced that practice of addressing people as "sir" and "ma'am." Many times, when I chat with younger adults, a number of the women don't seem to like the term "ma'am" and some consider it insulting. In my job searches, as I meet female interviewers or staff personnel, would it be appropriate to initially address them as "ma'am"? Wisconsin Guy

DEAR WISCONSIN: Your respectful attitude is commendable, but you must consider that when you are calling a much younger person "ma'am" or "sir," outside of the military, it can come off as pretentious.

When called into an office to meet someone, you should say, "Mr. (or Ms.) Brown, I'm Wisconsin Guy. Thank you for seeing me today." They may quickly tell you to call them by their first name.