Let grandparents off the baby-sitting hook

DEAR AMY: Our children are lucky enough to have both sets of grandparents still alive. However, one set puts in zero effort to have a good relationship with them, even though we live in the same town. This saddens both my husband and me.

Both of my parents will help us when asked and call us regularly. However, my husband's parents rarely call and never help us out with baby-sitting when we are in a bind. We only ask for family to help when our paid help is not available. My kids are very active at 2 and 5 years old, but I wouldn't consider them bad kids. What bugs me the most is that they constantly take care of our 1-year-old nephew, who happens to live with them. They bend over backward for the baby's 20-year-old mother. She also lives with them rent-free.

When they aren't baby-sitting or bailing out their daughter from whatever mess she's in, they are off doing their own thing when they could be spending time with our children.

I'd like to not put out any effort for them as they have not put any effort into being with us, but my husband keeps in touch with them and will take the kids over to visit them now and then. Am I wrong for wanting to cut them off?

--Upset DIL

DEAR UPSET: Your in-laws have a young mother and a year-old child living with them. You don't seem to realize or appreciate the heavy lifting involved in their household.

Your in-laws might be unconsciously (or purposely) avoiding you because they don't want to be asked to baby-sit - they already have a baby in their home and they're probably tuckered out.

If you take baby-sitting off the table, you'll probably see your relationship improve. In fact, you and your husband should offer to watch your nephew for a couple of hours. This would bring your families closer and demonstrate to your in-laws that you're aware that the relationship goes both ways.