Let son (not Dad) decide if he's ready for varsity team

DEAR AMY: I have a son who is 14 years old and in the 9th grade. He plays football. My husband is always pushing him to do better, but I think he is great already. He is one of the best players on his team. The coach thinks he should go on the varsity team, but I don't agree. My husband and I don't see eye to eye on this. I think that if my husband keeps putting all of this pressure on him he is going to end up hating football and then quit the team - and he is a wonderful player.

Can you help me to decide what to do?

--Stressed Out Mom

DEAR STRESSED: One person's point of view is missing from your account - your son's.

He is the most important character in this story, and in my view he is old enough to make choices when it comes to sports.

Football is a physically punishing sport and your son, at 14, is still growing and developing. Many schools mandate an extra medical exam for younger players who want to move up to varsity, and I think this is necessary.

You are right that if your husband keeps pushing and pressuring your son, he may rebel and quit the team.

This is an age-old story between fathers and sons.

As the parent with the larger perspective, your job is to encourage both parties to try to see the big picture. Make sure your son realizes that he has the freedom to make his own choices, regardless of what his father wants, and let him know that you will always advocate for him.

My favorite movie detailing the triumph and tension of high school football is the ancient (1983) movie, "All the Right Moves," starring an extremely young Tom Cruise. Cruise recently said he suffered a concussion while shooting a football scene in that film, underscoring the potential dangers of the sport.