Let the Christmas gift debate begin!

DEAR AMY: I am an only child and recently married. My husband has a sister who has two children. One is a toddler and the other is in elementary school. My husband and I agree that the Christmas spending tradition has been overblown and that even though we are financially stable we do not want to participate in gift exchanges with family and friends. We've also agreed that when we have children gift-giving will not be a part of our holiday celebrations. Recently, we communicated our decision to family and friends. We explained that while we want to celebrate the holiday with everyone, in lieu of gifts we will be making additional donations to charity. My sister-in-law vehemently disagrees with our stand. She complains that we are "ruining Christmas" for everyone, in particular her children (to whom my husband previously gave gifts each year). My husband says we should make an exception for children (even though he agrees that if we had our own children it would be OK not to give them gifts). Do you have any advice on how to respond to my sister-in-law or how to persuade my husband to hold firm to our otherwise agreed-upon beliefs?

--Not A Scrooge!

DEAR NOT: You and your husband are from small families, so even if you chose to give gifts, the burden would not be too great. But I get it -- it's the principle of the thing.

I like your idea of taking the materialism out of the holiday, though you do sound like a humorless Scrooge. Your sister-in-law is wrong to accuse you of "ruining" anything. And what if your husband decides to continue to give gifts to these children? Will you permit him? One way to celebrate without giving material gifts would be to start a tradition involving the extended family. You could treat the kids to a holiday concert or a production of "A Christmas Carol." You cannot control other people.