Lightning strikes when you least expect

DEAR SUSAN: I've read your column since my 25-year marriage ended in divorce. I made my life full and interesting with work, my children, friends, occasional dating and group activities. And just when I was feeling satisfied with single life, a man I knew from high school asked me to dinner. I found him charming, intelligent and polite, but there was no spark, so we decided to remain friends. In time, we found we had many shared interests and values. The more we knew about each other the greater the attraction. My point is to confirm your statement that in 0.1 percent of relationships, physical attraction comes later -- and when it does, "the lightning bolt can be even more intense for its being delayed." That spark hasn't died down after two years of marriage.

From the Single File blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Another vote for delay, no? The union later in life is aroused by different things from what arouse those in their maddening 20s: the way he treats the waiter can be a turn-on. (Kindness is good for sex; take it from this veteran.) How she smells in close encounters. What he says about his family. How respected you feel in his company. You get the idea. What happens vertically is the factor that engenders bed gratitude.

DEAR SUSAN: I must comment on the recent column in which you advised a 50-year-old man to visit OurTime.com. I have been on that site and must tell you that he will do well there. I'm a 56-year-old woman who looks younger, is considered attractive and is well-spoken. But I hardly got a nibble. Why? Because younger women are taking up all the men my age! Good luck to him. As for me, I've learned to love my life alone.

From the Single File blog

DEAR BLOGGER: But you need only one man to round the corners and light up your life. Don't sell yourself a bill of goods on loving aloneness. Yes, it's great to have personal space, but knowing his phone call will come soon adds a unique deliciousness to your onlyness. Knowing that, continue making a full life for yourself, trying new things and meeting new people. Travel, do volunteer work -- you're sure to come across good people with your values. Stay optimistic and adventurous; dating sites aren't the only game in town. Besides, it's not true that younger women have cornered the market on good men. As I said, you only need one good one, and he can be in a United Way group or a golf class or a writing class. If you think your life can't change for the better, clip the letter above yours.