Long-lost love unsettles her marriage

DEAR AMY: I've been married for 30 years. I thought I was happy, but now I wonder. During college I was an exchange student in France and met "Paul" at the university. We fell in love and got engaged. My parents were against our marriage. It was awful. We lost touch, and I felt terrible for years. This past summer I returned to France. He still lives in the town where we met. He is married and has a son. We met at a café. When we were young, my parents threw away anything with his name on it, including my engagement ring! He felt I had abandoned him, and I felt he had abandoned me. We feel we were meant for each other and through a wrong turn of fate were led down the wrong path. I was in France for six weeks. We saw each other often and spoke on the phone daily. We both still love each other. I even had dinner at his house and met his family. We don't want to lose each other. We write and talk on the phone when we can. Is this cheating on my husband? I don't see Paul leaving his wife for me, but he also claims to love me more than her. I told my daughter about this, and she tells me to follow my heart. She says I should open up and tell her father about it. What should I do?HeartsickDEAR HEARTSICK: You are cheating on your husband by emotionally enveloping yourself in a long-ago romance in a faraway place.

I disagree with your choice to run this romantic dilemma past your daughter. This sort of life-altering question would best be explored with your husband and a professional counselor.

The most ethical way for you to deal with your marriage is to be honest with your husband. I do believe that with time your feelings would stabilize and you would be able to put this emotional affair into perspective and stay married. But perspective is the enemy of long-lost love, and you may not want this sort of clarity.