Money Fix: Risky business helping adult kids

Here's an internal tug-of-war issue for many parents these days: providing financial help to their un- or underemployed adult children, at the risk of endangering their own retirement well-being.

The question "comes up a lot," says Jack Chite, a certified financial planner in Sayville. "There's no one answer. It's situational."

Some things to consider:

Steer clear: The last thing to do, he says, is jeopardize your home or dip into retirement funds, like 401(k)s or individual retirement accounts. His message: "This is retirement money. You'll come out not only paying tax [for early withdrawal], but also depleting your future income. Think long and hard."

Need or needy: Is this a one-time helping hand, or does it seem to be a pattern? Either way, if you choose to help, you'll want to set boundaries and clarify terms, according to advice from "Should You Bail Out Your Kid?" in the July issue of Consumer Reports' Money Advisor newsletter, which offers tips on healthy ways to help.

Beyond financial: Besides input from a financial planner, you might want to consult a family therapist, which could be covered by your employer's employee assistance program. Chite says he's seen the issue feed marital problems, and, indeed, knows some couples considering divorce as a result.