Move on from cad of a lover

DEAR AMY: I've lived with my significant other, "Martin," for 16 years. We own a house together. The past few years, I have tried to tell him we were growing apart, but he never believed we were. Recently, a woman he dated 30 years ago e-mailed him. They began an online and phone relationship. While he said he was visiting cousins in another city, he was actually meeting her at a motel. Within a month, they decided they were going to dump their partners. He told me about her and proposed having her come to the house to identify what items she would like to have that we jointly own. He does not believe he did anything shameful. He says they are in love and neither apologizes nor admits any of his behavior was dishonorable. He says since I said we were growing apart, it made him vulnerable to her overtures. What do you think?Disgusted

DEAR DISGUSTED: "Martin" will not admit any wrongdoing and will not apologize.

I agree his behavior is reprehensible. Rather than try to force him to make statements he will never make, you should contact a lawyer and begin the process of separating your property. Let your lawyer do the talking about how to dissolve your common-law marriage (if this status is recognized in your state). Do your best to move on.

DEAR AMY: In advising "Conflicted" (who has Internet evidence that a friend's husband is looking for casual "encounters"), I think you missed an important consideration. In this era of sexually transmitted diseases, the husband could be endangering his wife's health.

My experience with my ex-husband indicates that as cheaters continue to cheat without getting caught, they get bolder and more careless. The wife should be informed.

Ex-wife in Denver

DEAR DENVER: Many readers agree with you - that all suspicions should be reported because of the risk of STDs.